THE Fundamental Question (by Coach Ryan)

A couple conversations and situations this week have had me thinking again.  In a Coaching Life Group meeting an important question was raised.  I'm paraphrasing, but it was something like this:

"If a Coach's job often depends on winning enough games, should that Coach not be entitled to make winning his highest priority?"


At face value this seems like a fair question, and I admit, as it was being asked I had to pause and say to myself, "Yeah, that's right.  Hmmmmmm.  You have a point."  I didn't say that out loud, just to myself, because I have been coaching and working with Coaches long enough to know that the right answer to that question is "No.  Winning games is not the highest priority.  The healthy growth and development of kids is our highest priority."

But yes, it's a fair question, and in the moment I could certainly see where this Coach and his question were coming from.

Later that day, my short-lived confusion was erased, finally, once and for all.  I was out and had the misfortune of overhearing a Coach talking to his team during a break in their game.  He was clearly frustrated with the team, which was not playing well.  The Coach wasn't being critical, he was being nasty.

He told these kids (it doesn't really matter how old they were, but believe me when I tell you they were young enough to make this situation pretty awful) that they were an embarrassment.  He told them there was nothing good he could say about them.  And I got to overhear all this out in public.

As I thought about that scene, and what led this fairly normal guy to talk to these children that way, I realized something.  There is a fundamental question that must be asked of every Coach at every level of sports.  The answer to this question will frame everything that Coach says and does with his/her athletes.  The answer to this question will make every situation much more clear, regardless of whether or not keeping one's job depends on winning.

The questions is simply this:  at the end of the day, do you coach primarily for yourself, or do you coach to teach/lead/serve others?  That's it.  Answer that question honestly, and you have figured out about 80% of what you need to know about yourself as a Coach.

I am not saying that we shouldn't care if we get fired, but the Coach who puts his job security ahead of kids is coaching primarily for himself.  I know that coaching can be incredibly frustrating, but the Coach who tells children they are an embarrassment is coaching primarily for himself, at least in that moment.  If that's you, if you are a me-first Coach (like I was for many years), you must admit it.  Then once you've admitted it, you can decide whether or not you want to change.  If you decide you want to change, it's not that complicated and we can help.

If you have realized that you are primarily coaching for yourself, and you are OK with that, please consider how you would want your children to be coached.  It won't happen overnight, but meaningful change is very possible, and you will never look at sports, coaching and kids the same way again.  The joy that comes from coaching in freedom rather than bondage to winning, expectations, etc. is absolutely indescribable.