Go to just about any organized sports event. If you really want a treat, go to a tryout of some sort for kids' sports. You will almost certainly find athletes' parents who are way caught up in the game, particularly their own child's performance. Some of this is natural and to be expected. When I watch my child do something, it's cool to see him/her doing it well. It is satisfying to see our kids succeed.
But here's the question I've had to ask myself and would encourage other parents to ask themselves: Do I pull for my child to succeed completely for his sake, or is it in part for my sake? How much of my own need for success is caught up in my desire to see my son or daughter do well?
A few years back, when one of my boys was 8 years old, I had a really hard time when he was brought in to pitch. As many 8-year olds do, he would sometimes have trouble throwing strikes, and he'd walk a batter or two. More often than not, I would get up out of my chair and go for a walk around the outfield fence because it made me a nervous wreck to see him struggle. I had graduated past hollering out to him "come on, throw strikes" (which is a hilarious form of horrible coaching advice if you think about it), but I still couldn't handle watching him walk hitters. What a dope I was. My son would have benefited far more from having a Dad who gave a reassuring look or appropriately shouted out encouragement, rather than a guy walking around the outfield fence.
Why did I do that? Why was that so hard? Could it be because I was placing at least a small part of my worth on the shoulders of my 8-year old offspring? I hate to admit it, but I think it was true.
Why do we spend countless hours and dollars putting our kids on the best team money can buy? Why do we discourage parents of a 5-year old who show promise from putting their child on a rec league team with their Kindergarten buddies? Why does a Dad I spoke with last week feel the need to tell me how his son is the number whatever ranked whatever player in the state? Why are we even ranking children? Whose interests does all this serve? In most cases, I believe it's the parents' interests and egos that are stroked by seeing their children shine brighter than other people's kids.
I understand these ideas might ruffle some feathers. You might disagree with me on some or all of this. That's OK; I can take it. But the next time you find yourself in agony because your child is not playing up to your standards, be willing to ask yourself why it bothers you so much. Since I began asking myself that very question, my kids and I have had an entirely different and much better experience with their sports.
80's Lyric
No comments:
Post a Comment