I was talking with a Coach the other day, and he was saying how in the past, when a Coach told an athlete to do something it got done without any discussion. Nowadays, the athlete often wants to know why they should do it. They need it spelled out for them.
That conversation has got me thinking. (Scary, I know). Clearly, Coaches have every right to expect their directions to be followed. They are in a position of authority and have to be in charge. No argument here on that point, and if an athlete is challenging a Coach or being confrontational...that's not going to fly with me.
However...if it's handled well, in an appropriate place and time, shouldn't we want those we lead to want to understand our rationale behind things? Shouldn't we want them to analyze and live thoughtfully? As I often do, I'm going to relate this back to my children. When my boys do something that's less than intelligent, I usually ask them why they did it. They usually reply, "I don't know". And the fact is, I believe them. They don't know. They don't think about why they behave the way they do. They don't think about why certain situations make them angry or shy. They don't think about why they are banging their heads against the wall. (Literally. We've dealt with this one recently.) Now, I know that a 9 year old boy isn't going to have his life all figured out. Not even close. But shouldn't I want him to be on the path to learning how to understand himself and others? I think so.
Maybe you were like me. Maybe you can relate to this. I remember being 15 years old. It was like 106 degrees and my teammates and I were running sprints. It was difficult. We were exhausted. I was hating life and didn't care who knew it. I was doing the work and giving a pretty solid effort, but my focus was solely on me and my desire to survive. Looking back, I wish I'd bothered to wonder why we were being put through it all. I wish I'd had a conversation with a Coach who could have pulled me aside afterward and explained that running sprints as a team improves our physical conditioning. It makes us stronger mentally. It gives us opportunities to encourage our teammates and pick each other up. It gives us a chance to snarl and laugh in the face of difficulty. And that all of these things make us better players and a better team. And that better players and better teams win more football games. Not only that, but tougher, more disciplined teammates tend to lead happier and healthier lives. I can't say for sure that I would have understood all that completely, but I do know that most of that would have made total sense. I could have embraced the challenge, and helped my teammates do the same. I could have begun to learn much earlier than I did that my life is not all about me, and that it's OK to think about and understand why we do what we do.I don't claim to have all this figured out. I'm only scratching the surface. But someday I'll coach a group of teenage young men again, and I plan to make sure they know they have the freedom to ask me to explain anything about how I coach. Drills, exercises, playcalling thought process, whatever else. It's all on the table. I will also make sure they understand the right way and the right time to ask. As my own boys grow up, we'll have a similar conversation about how we run our family. I want them to know it's OK to think about who they are. It's OK to want to understand their behavior and that of others. Also, I'll be aware that decisions I make must be made intentionally. As much as possible, I need to think and pray through what I'm doing with my own life as I lead others.
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