Put Your Arms Down (next post 11/4)

I've been watching a lot of youth sports this fall. Our 11-year old son is playing tackle football and our 7-year old just finished up with fall baseball. There are a lot of committed, wonderful, generous people coaching in these youth leagues. I also see a good bit of animated gesturing from these coaches, as coaches do what the man in this picture is doing. It's directed at kids who make a mistake. It's directed at officials. I've even seen coaches on the same staff direct it at each other when they disagree. And what I've observed in youth coaches is clearly not unique to youth sports. Coaches at all levels are guilty here.

Unfortunately, putting one's arms out like this for all to see pretty clearly communicates "What do you think you're doing and why aren't you as smart as I am?" And no matter how hard I try, I can't figure out how that helps anybody get better or fix a mistake.

I'm certainly not perfect, and I've done my share of regrettable things as a coach, but this type of gesturing is one part of the coaching culture that needs to go away. We can handle difficult situations and fix mistakes without putting on a show for others, and lamely trying to absolve ourselves of responsibility. Coaches, let's be aware of and in control of our body language.

80's Lyric

And I said, honey I'll live with you for the rest of my life

She said no hugg-ee no kiss-ee until you make me your wife

My honey, my baby, don't put my love upon no shelf

She said don't hand me no lines, and keep your hands to yourself

- Georgia Satellites (1986)

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Memories (next post 10/21)

A good friend of mine is an men's basketball assistant at a college here in Kansas City. Martin sent me a link to an online interview he gave recently. I love listening to great Coaches talk about what they do, so the whole video was interesting to me. And the part I liked best was when he talked about his team's visit to Italy last month. The way he described his enjoyment at watching the players drink in the whole experience was a great example of why he's a guy who "gets it". As much as he cares about winning, he still coaches the athlete first and the game second. The video can be found here.

If you played sports, think about what you remember from those years. How much do you remember from what your Coaches said? (I don't remember much, other than the one time I decided to count how many times one of my Coaches finished his sentences by saying "all right?". It was something like 47 times in about a 2 minute speech.) How much do you remember from practice? Probably relatively little. Even with the games, I can remember a play or two, here and there, but mostly it's all a blur. I'll tell you what I remember well. The trip our football team took to Miami to watch the Canes play in the fall of 1992. They were awesome that year, eventually finishing as national runner-up. They played West Viriginia on a Saturday night in October. We watched Gino Torretta continue his march toward the Heisman. On the ride home, some of my older teammates gave one of our younger teammates some of their Skoal, and he threw up out the bus window. Not saying that's a good thing, just saying I remember. I do know this much -- on that trip we experienced things that brought us together, mostly in intangible ways, but our team was much stronger for it. A group with average talent went on to win an unlikely district championship.

Even in my years as a Coach, with a few notable exceptions, I don't remember much of what my colleagues and I said. I don't remember a whole lot of things that happened at practices, and again, even most of the games kind of blend together. Did we play East Lake in the playoffs in 2002, or was that 2003? I don't know. I used to know, but it just doesn't stick. You know what I remember? Cutting practice 90 minutes short and taking the team on a two mile run to the beach where we ate watermelon on ice out of the back of a pickup truck. I remember most of the things I saw at our annual "skit night". And I remember pretty much everything I saw, heard and did at the funeral of one of our players.

Most of the athletes you serve won't remember a whole lot of details about what went on in your program. But providing a handful of memorable experiences each season will accomplish a few things, and Rod Olson writes about this in the Legacy Builders series for Coaches. First, you have the opportunity to clearly communicate that you care about your players for reasons beyond what they can produce on the field, track or court. Secondly, these athletes will most often grow up and become Coaches who coach the way they were coached. If a handful of these memories helps them understand that there's more at stake than winning games and rings, that message will come home to roost for generations to come. (That's why Legacy Builders is such a great title).

Why not make the effort to include some memorable experiences in your program? Anyone can do it, and it works whether you're touring Italy together or just enjoying watermelon on the beach.

80's Lyric

Now the lights are going out

Along the boulevard

Memories come rushing back

And it makes it pretty hard

- Warrant (1989)

Apart From Me (next post 10/7)

There are many things I'm not very good at. I'm not good at home repair. I'm not good at putting things together. I'm not good at songwriting, farming, or drawing straight lines. When faced with any one of those tasks, it is easy for me to recognize my deficiencies and ask for the help I need.

On the other hand, there are some things I am pretty good at: algebra, for example. I also think I'm pretty good at caring about people. And I know that I'm a really good Dad. I'm one of the best Dads I know. This is not my opinion, but a certifiable fact. At least that's what I thought.

So imagine my discouragement when recent events in my family caused me to doubt myself as a parent. It was devastating. This was the one area of my life where I had absolutely no doubt about my ability. When I was 20 years old, I came across as a pretty arrogant dude. I definitely thought a lot of myself. However, over the past decade and a half, reality has set in and I had come to believe there are people who are better than I am at just about everything I do. Everything, that is, except as a Dad. And I was absolutely crushed as a result of this crisis of confidence. Crushed. Tears. And plenty of them.

The point? Although I had given God control of and credit for most everything I do, the job of being a Dad was one I was content to do myself. Because I was so good at it, I didn't need any help. Not even from God. Or so I thought.

If you're reading this, you're probably a pretty good coach. The people who visit this site are typically outstanding at what they do, or they wouldn't take the time to read things designed to make them think about how to get better. So since you're a good coach, are you doing it yourself, or have you embraced the truth that Jesus is the vine and we are the branches, and apart from Him we can do nothing? Apart from Him we can do nothing that lasts. We can do nothing of significance. It sounds discouraging at first, even as I type the words. But it's not discouraging. It's the best news imaginable, because we don't have to do anything apart from Him. He has promised to be with us in all we do, all the time, until the very end of the age.

God made me a good Dad, but I cannot be the Dad He wants me to be until I yield every bit of it to Him. God made you a good coach, but you cannot be the coach He wants you to be until you yield every bit of it to Him.

80's Lyric

So many times

I know I could have told you

Losing you, it cut like a knife

You walked out and there went my life

I don't want to live without you

On my own

- Patti LaBelle and Michael McDonald (1986)

Fear Not (next post 9/23)

( There's nothing particularly relevant to coaches or athletes in the picture this week, but when I did a search for "scared face", this one was too good to pass up.)

FEAR. The very word brings to mind vivid images and memories. Fear is powerful. It can make us do all kinds of things; some good, some not so good. Fear inspires me to behave responsibly at times. For example, I pay my electric bill, not because I have a warm, rosy relationship with KCP&L, but because I fear having my power turned off. Fear clearly isn't a bad thing in all circumstances.

However, when fear becomes a primary motivator in the workplace, or in relationships, it's another story altogether. Over and over, we read in the Bible that we are to "fear not", or "don't be afraid". The exact phrase "do not be afraid" appears 70 times in one commonly used transalation of the Bible.

Why does God work so hard to hammer home the point that fear is the enemy? It makes sense if you think about it. Fear can certainly be an outstanding short-term motivator, but fear has been clearly tied to: stress and employee dissatisfaction, reductions in creativity, resistance to taking direction, and overall poor performance. None of those things embody how we were created to live. Nothing on that list describes what we're hoping to accomplish in the lives of those we lead.

As a coach, although I make no claim to be God, my players should fear me in the sense that they have a healthy level of respect for the position and authority I have. Beyond that, though, fear has little, if anything, to do with leading people to achieve optimum levels of performance. Fear is debilitating and enfeebling. Help an athlete overcome fear, and you have set that person up for their best possible chance at success, in all aspects of life.

We face similar challenges off the field. When I find myself grappling with an uncertain future, and playing the 'what if?' game, (what if I mess up my kids? what if I lose my job? what if we lose this game? what if we lose two in a row? what if I write a lousy blog post? what if we hold a clinic and nobody shows up?) all of those questions are 100% coming from a place of fear. And that kind of fear is a clear demonstration of my lack of faith. The kind of faith that trusts that God is who He says He is. The faith that believes He has me and my life firmly in His grip. The faith that knows that "perfect love drives out fear" (1 John 4). In the famous Bible story, when Peter walked on the water to go out to Jesus, (Matthew 14), he was doing fine until "he saw the wind, he was afraid".

Where do I have my eyes? On Jesus, or on the "wind" in my life?

80's Lyric

Someday you'll be shedding your tears

To cry over me

Someday I'll be losing this fear

- Glass Tiger (1986)

Wait! (next post 9/9)

I do this about once a year. I'll read something and think, "Wow, that's better than whatever I was going to write" and I'll post it in this space. One of my good friends sent this to me a week ago and I loved it. I thought the first paragraph of the article spoke straight to the heart of coaches -- what coach isn't well acquainted with anxiety and tension?

Written by Rick Warren, Pastor of Saddleback Church in Southern California and author of The Purpose Driven Life, this article inspired me to connect more deeply with God this week. I have taken Pastor Warren's challenge outlined below (actually, I'm 5 days in out of the recommended 7), and have been blessed by the peace unmatched peace of Christ. As you go about your week, I encourage you to do the same.

When Things Fall Apart, Get Alone and Wait on God by Rick Warren

When life is heavy and hard to take, go off by yourself. Enter the silence. Bow in prayer. Don't ask questions. Wait for hope to appear. (Lamentations 3:28-29 MSG)

The concept of waiting on God is a spiritual habit. It is the single greatest antidote to anxiety and tension. It's a spiritual discipline that you must learn to do or you will be under stress your entire life.

This is what it means to wait on God: you sit down and shut up. Find a place to be quiet and sit still in silence. Don't read anything. Don't pray. Just take some deep breaths, sit before God and say, "God, I'm just going to wait on you." It's amazing what a calming ability this has on your heart and mind. "Those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. ...They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31 NLT)

God wants to talk to you. If you aren't hearing him, it's because you aren't making time in your schedule to listen to him. You're too busy listening to your iPod, playing with your iPad, watching television, playing video games or talking on your cell phone. You might be overworking.

If you want to hear God, you need to sit in silence. Turn off all electronics and remove yourself from all the distractions. Find a comfortable place and sit there. Tell God you're waiting to hear from him and then listen. Be quiet.

This is what Jesus told the disciples to do: "Find a quiet, secluded place so you won't be tempted to role-play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace." (Matthew 6:6-7 MSG). That's the power of a quiet time.

So here is my challenge to you: Every day for the next seven days I want you to spend 10 minutes in silence before God. Tell God you're there to wait on him, and then just sit there. You can read a little bit and talk to God in prayer, but the majority of your time needs to be spent in silence before God. You'll be amazed at the new strength you will find.

"The Lord is good to everyone who trusts in him, so it is good for us to wait in patience--to wait for him to save us" (Lamentations 3:25-26 TEV). Wait in patience and wait for God to save you. When your world falls apart, you want to put it back together instantly, but that won't happen. It didn't fall apart instantly, and it's going to take time to put things back together. But wait patiently, because God's timing is perfect.

80's Lyric

So if you go away

I know that I will follow

Cause there's a place inside

My heart that tells me hold out

Hold out

Hold out

Wait

Wait

I never had a chance to love you

- White Lion (1987)

Getting to Know You (next post 8/26)

In the years I spent in coaching I had opportunities to develop some very cool relationships with athletes. In some cases, I actually took advantage of those opportunities. Unfortunately, there are many that I missed.


I try not to major in regret as I live my life, but this is one area where I certainly have some. I retired from full-time coaching at the ripe old age of 28, and at that point I was just beginning to scratch the surface of what it means to care about other people. And while I do believe that God has used me to impact people's lives in a positive way (often in spite of myself), I also know that if I could relive 1998-2004 there's a whole lot that I would do differently. There are dozens, maybe hundreds of people that I could intentionally get to know and invest in more than I did. This isn't haunting me or keeping me up at night, but when I think about it, there's a definite tinge of regret for the way I went about things.


Earlier this week I listened to a school district's superintendant talk about the start of his career in education and his time as an athletic coach. He talked about the people that, in his words, he should have spent more time caring about. He should have been working to build relationships with more of his players that transcended their sport, and that would live on beyond the season or even graduation. Obviously I understood where he was coming from.

Rod Olson also spoke that day, and showed a video from ESPN that featured the special bond between Urban Meyer and Tim Tebow. Those two men were able to develop something special that was WAY bigger than football. Along the way, they also won a bunch of games and a couple national titles, so don't believe the lie that a coach can't afford to get close to his/her players without losing some sort of mythical 'edge'. Maybe that was true in 1963, I don't really know. It certainly isn't true today. As coaches, we don't need to fear sharing life with the people we are charged with leading.

Of course, it's possible to take a player/coach relationship to places that are unhealthy or inappropriate. In his talk, Rod said, "when you can no longer hold the player accountable, you have gotten too close." Good to keep in mind, no doubt. But that said, who are the players that you have a chance to invest in this year, and get to know in a way that is more significant and enduring than a 3 month sports season? No regrets.

80's Lyric

The flowers you gave me

Are just about to die

When I think about what could have been

It makes me want to cry

- Tiffany (1987)

Tomorrow the Lord Will Do Amazing Things Among You (next post 8/12)

It's been a long summer. And while it's not quite over yet, we are very near the beginning of a new school year. My family spent a good part of this week registering children for classes, shopping for supplies, loading up backpacks, and otherwise gearing up for the 2011-12 version of school time at our house.

For Coaches all over the country it's also time to gear up. Time to prepare for a year that has all the potential to be eternally significant for every one of us. Time to expect God to do great things this year.



Back in Old Testament times, after the nation of Israel was delivered from slavery in Egypt, as a result of their unpreparedness to receive God's blessing of the Promised Land, they were required to spend 40 years wandering the desert. In that time they were being pruned and prepared as a Nation. God knew that the people who entered this Promised Land were going to have to trust Him 100% if they were to successfully conquer the land. They were also going to need to trust Him 100% if they were to be the light to other nations that He desired them to be. Their time in the desert was not a vindictive punishment from God, but rather a time when He disciplined them to accomplish a greater purpose in the long-run.

At the end of their 40-year journey, just before they were to move in and possess the land, Moses' successor Joshua provided this word of encouragement to the people:



"Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the Lord will do amazing things among you." (Joshua 3:5)



The word consecrate is often translated "sanctify", "dedicate" or "prepare", and carries the idea of setting apart or preparing for divine service. Joshua wants these people to understand that they have a role in the amazing things the Lord is about to do. Their role is to be ready. Their role is to acknowledge His position as God and King. Their role is to nestle themselves as close to Him as possible.

This summer may feel like it's dragged on for 40 years, but it's been just a couple months so far. Regardless of what the past two months have held for you, I can guarantee you that as a Coach, the Lord desires to do amazing things in you and through you this year. I hope you will join me in consecrating ourselves to Him, as we wait expectantly for Him to accomplish His purpose in the coming months.

80's Lyric

Are you ready

Are you ready for this?

Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

- Queen (1980)